Apple's Angst Read online

  “God, Happy,” Apple said, watching Happy lie back on the ground. She had no idea what to say.

  “I know. I know! What am I going to do? I can’t keep hiding from him. And you want to know the worst of it?” Happy asked.

  “What?”

  “He doesn’t seem to get it. I yell at him and he doesn’t even fight back. I yell at him for not buying me a bouquet of flowers that I don’t even want, and it’s like he doesn’t hear me. I pick fights with him so he’ll break up with me! And then there’s this other guy …”

  Whoa, thought Apple. Another guy? This was just getting worse, and more shocking, by the second. Apple hadn’t even started at Angst and she was already failing at giving relationship advice. She wasn’t cut out for giving out advice. She didn’t even know what to say to her best friend.

  But Apple tried.

  “Another guy? Who’s the other guy?” Apple asked. She knew she sounded eagerly curious, so she added, “If you don’t mind me asking.”

  She could feel her eyes darting from the ground to Happy and back to the ground.

  “He’s just this guy who has an appointment right before me at my shrink’s. We’ve been talking before my weekly sessions. I’m totally attracted to him. He’s so hot and disturbed.”

  Oh, no, thought Apple. Happy loved “hot and disturbed” guys. Happy was what her mother would call a girl who was always attracted to bad boys. Zen was anything but a bad boy. A “hot and disturbed” guy in the picture didn’t bode well for Zen.

  “Okay, Happy. One step at a time. I think you shouldn’t make any rash decisions right now. This may just be a phase, like I said. And if you still feel this way in a couple weeks, we’ll deal with it. Okay?” Apple announced, trying to make her words sound confident and reasonable.

  “Wow, you haven’t even started at Angst and you’re already sounding so sane!” Happy said, giving a small smile.

  “Well, they aren’t NOT paying me for nothing,” laughed Apple, trying to lighten the mood. “But I do need your help. I need you to take me shopping, like ASAP. You should see how Fancy Nancy and this bitch Emme dress. Not to change the subject or anything,” Apple said, feeling bad that she had started talking about herself when clearly Happy was so distraught and had so much going on in her life.

  “Ah, but they don’t have your hair. Hey, how’s it going with you and Lyon anyway? Tell me something good so I can take my mind off my own pathetic relationship,” Happy said.

  “Good. Good. He’s really good to me. You know, the flowers and all. And he calls me all the time and he’s driving me to Angst today. He’s a really good guy,” said Apple. She didn’t want to brag, considering what her best friend was going through.

  “And you look forward to seeing him, right?” Happy asked.

  “Of course!” Apple answered quickly. She always did look forward to seeing him, didn’t she? Apple hadn’t given it much thought, though. Lyon always seemed to be around, so she barely had a chance to miss him or look forward to seeing him.

  “See? That’s what I want. I want a guy I look forward to seeing all the time. And I look forward to my shrink appointments now to see this new guy.”

  “Maybe that’s just chemistry. I mean, just because you have a boyfriend doesn’t mean you can’t find other people attractive,” Apple said, remembering a line from one of her mother’s books.

  “Maybe, but I just don’t feel it with Zen. I don’t. I can’t see a future with him, and I’m not talking about a lifelong future. But I can’t even see a future with him for another week!” moaned Happy.

  “Hey, have you talked to Brooklyn about this?” Apple asked.

  “Sort of. But you know what she’s like. Don’t get me wrong. I love her to death. But she’s all like, ‘Have some wheatgrass. It’ll make you feel better.’ As if some disgusting liquid that looks like crap is going to somehow make me fall in love with Zen again. And she has her own issues with Hopper. So she’s just not in the right frame of mind. Shit, it’s time to go back to class. And go back to hiding from Zen. Thanks for listening, Apple. You’re a good friend. You’re my best friend. Hey, I know! Maybe you should start liking Zen again—would give me an easy way out,” Happy said, standing up and wiping her butt to make sure she didn’t have any grass on her pencil skirt.

  “Ha ha,” Apple said. But Happy didn’t sound like she was joking. She looked and sounded serious. Could it be possible that she really was over Zen? After all that drama? Did she really want Apple to hook up with Zen?

  “I know. I know. You’re with Lyon. And he’s perfect. But I tell you, Apple, I should have thought things through. What is wrong with me? I never think things through. I just want what I want and then when I get it, it’s like, ‘Hmm. Maybe I don’t want this.’”

  “You should talk to Dr. Coke about this,” Apple suggested.

  Dr. Coke was Happy’s therapist. Happy had been seeing her religiously for years and had nicknamed her Dr. Coke because she always offered her a caffeinated drink at her weekly appointment. Dr. Coke probably could give Happy more objective advice. Apple knew that Happy was pretty rash when it came to decision-making, but that was part of her charm. Happy always did what she wanted to do. And she always got away with it because of her looks and charm. Besides, Apple wasn’t a professional therapist.

  “Trust me. I have an appointment with her today. Of course, I’m totally looking forward to it—not because I want to see her, but because I get to see the new guy I have a crush on,” laughed Happy. “At least the $180 an hour my parents shell out for my appointments now seems a little more worth it.”

  Apple loved Happy like a sister, and of course she would be loyal to her, but she couldn’t help but feel bad for Zen. Apple knew Happy too well. Though she had told her to give it a little more time, she knew that once Happy made up her mind about something, that was it. If Happy decided that she was no longer into Zen, most likely Zen would be gone by the end of the week. Poor Zen, thought Apple. He would have to deal with the fallout of being dumped by Happy.

  “I’m serious, Apple. If you want to go for him, I promise I won’t care,” said Happy.

  Apple couldn’t imagine Zen being free and single again. No, she wasn’t going to get excited. Because even if Happy did dump Zen, it was still wrong to go out with your best friend’s ex. That was something Apple had learned on Queen of Hearts. It was one of the unwritten rules of female friendship. But Happy was the one who was joking that Apple should go out with him. Or was she being serious? Was it okay to take your best friend’s ex when she gave you permission? Not that I should even be considering this, she thought, shaking her head. It takes two to tango, and Zen had made it painfully obvious that he wasn’t into Apple. Plus, she had Lyon. She could never break Lyon’s heart like that.

  “Okay, one more thing I have to tell you,” announced Happy. “I kissed him.”

  “What?” Apple said, stopping in her tracks.

  “I know. I know! It’s bad. But last week, Hot and Disturbed Guy kissed me in the restroom at the shrink’s office. He waited for me after my appointment and we snuck in. It was kind of romantic, actually, considering our first kiss took place in a restroom.”

  “God, Happy!” Apple said, not bothering to hide her shock this time.

  “I know. I’m an awful person,” Happy moaned. “I cheated on my boyfriend.”

  “Listen, I’m on your side. Whatever you decide, I’m going to be there for you. But you sometimes are a little rash. Take some time to think things through,” Apple said, hating how grown-up she sounded.

  “Okay, Apple. I’ll call you later,” she said.

  “Wait!” Apple called out. Happy turned around.

  “Was it good?” she asked. For some reason, Apple needed to know.

  “Was what good?”

  “The kiss,” said Apple.

  “The kiss? It was mind-blowing,” Happy said, smiling dreamily at the memory.

  Apple couldn’t help but smile. She knew cheating
was wrong, but somehow Happy made it seem like it was no big deal. Her smile said that it had been worth it.

  As Apple walked back into school, she had the feeling that she had forgotten something. It hit her. Right! She was supposed to have met Lyon for lunch! God, I’m such a bad girlfriend, thought Apple. Here I am thinking of Zen when I have the most thoughtful boyfriend in the world. Get it together, Apple, she told herself. Get your priorities straight.

  She ran inside, hoping to see Lyon still at the Spiral Staircase. He wasn’t there. She walked to her locker and found a note scrawled on a sticky pad stuck to it.

  Sorry I missed you at lunch. Where’d you get to? Everything okay? I’ll meet you out front after school. XOX L.

  Could Apple have a better boyfriend? Could Lyon have a worse girlfriend than Apple, who completely forgot about their lunch plans while actually contemplating dating Zen, who she wasn’t even into anymore? Apple promised herself she was going to try harder to be a better girlfriend. After her conversation with Happy, she knew she needed to put in more of an effort. But the thought of Zen, the guy she had been in love with for years, being single? Well, that was definitely … mind-blowing.

  Lyon pulled up to the front of the school in his black Cadillac Escalade to pick up Apple. Apple smiled every time she saw the car. It was such a tough car, with its tinted windows, and Apple couldn’t help but feel like a bit of a rock star every time she got in. And knowing how sweet Lyon was … well, it was funny to see him drive such a monster.

  “Hey!” she said, leaning over and giving Lyon a kiss and hopping in. “First, before you say anything, I just want to apologize for lunch. I know I totally bailed and it was rude. But Happy was having some major girl issues and needed to talk. I had to be there for her. Brooklyn was right. She’s having issues with Zen.”

  “That’s okay. That’s one of the traits I love about you. You are very loyal. I’m just glad I have you to myself for at least ten minutes now,” Lyon said. “And I’m not going to ask what the problem is. That’s none of my business.”

  “You’re too sweet,” Apple said. “Seriously, you really are too nice.”

  “I guess I really like you. Shall we go?” Lyon asked, driving away.

  “We better. It’s my first day and I don’t want to be late. I’m supposed to be there at 4:30,” Apple said, glancing at the oversized men’s watch that she had “borrowed” from her dad a month ago but never returned.

  Lyon pushed the gas and they took off.

  “I can’t believe my girlfriend works at Angst, the most relevant fashion and celebrity magazine in the world,” Lyon joked.

  “Right. Have you ever even read it?” asked Apple, smiling at him.

  “No, but I do have sisters, you know, and I occasionally flip through it. I especially love the quizzes on ‘Are you too demanding?’ and ‘Ten ways to tell if you’re really making him happy.’ And those suck-up celebrity interviews with those spoiled young stars who think they’re oh so important? I can’t get enough.” Lyon laughed.

  Apple laughed too. Lyon’s dry sense of humor was one of the things that had first attracted her to him.

  They rode in a comfortable silence, Lyon holding one of her hands as Apple stared out the window. She thought of Happy’s joke about her getting together with Zen—something that only days ago was never a possibility, but now?

  “Hey, what were you thinking about just now? You looked like you were a million miles away,” Lyon said, interrupting her daydream.

  “Oh, sorry. I’m just thinking of my first day. I’m thinking of that girl Emme, the intern I’ll be sharing an office with two days a week? I’m telling you, this girl hates me,” Apple stuttered out. How can she be thinking of Zen now? With her boyfriend right beside her?

  “How could anyone hate you?” Lyon asked, looking at her adoringly.

  “I know. I know. I’m so lovable. But trust me, yhis girl so does not like me,” Apple moaned.

  “Well, see how it goes today,” said Lyon.

  “She also makes me want to go on a diet.”

  “Apple! I’ve never once heard you complain about weight,” Lyon said, looking at her oddly.

  “I know! It’s her! She makes me insecure! She’s so perfect! And skinny!”

  “Your body is perfect just the way it is,” Lyon said.

  “Maybe I’ll just cut out sweets,” said Apple. “So don’t go buying me any more chocolate. Seriously. I have to watch my weight.”

  “No,” said Lyon, “you don’t. You’re perfect just the way you are.”

  “You don’t understand. It’s a girl thing,” she said, smiling at him.

  Lyon shrugged, clearly knowing he wasn’t going to win this argument.

  They arrived at the offices and Apple hesitated before getting out of the car.

  “Okay, I’m nervous. What if I screw up?” Apple started. “What if I make someone’s coffee wrong, or answer the phone wrong, or …” She hated that she sounded so insecure.

  “Babe! You’re freaking. I’ve never seen you like this before. What time do you get off?” he asked.

  “I have no friggin’ idea,” Apple said.

  “Call me when you’re off and I’ll come get you, okay?” Lyon said. “It will give you something to look forward to.”

  “Thanks, Lyon. That would be great. I’ll need to see a face that’s happy to see me, because I’m sure Emme will not be happy to see me.”

  Apple kissed him passionately, hopped out of the car, and walked into the offices. She felt sweaty and nervous and her heart was racing. She had to go to the bathroom, but she had no idea where it was and was too nervous to ask anyone. She would have to hold it.

  “Hey, Morgan,” Apple said walking up to the reception desk.

  “You’re late!” Morgan whispered sternly. “Hurry up and I’ll try to sneak you into your office area. Let’s pray that Michael hasn’t shown up there yet.”

  “What? I was supposed to be here at 4:30. It’s 4:30!” Apple said, perplexed, looking down at her watch again.

  “Actually, it’s 4:32. Nancy abhors lateness. She thinks it’s a sign of disrespect. If anyone is even a minute late meeting her at a restaurant, she’ll leave,” Morgan said.

  Great, thought Apple. What a way to start my first day. Who knew a lousy 120 seconds was such big a deal? Apparently at Angst magazine, every second counted.

  “Remember,” whispered Morgan. “You’re an employee of Angst now. That means you follow Angst rules and must never be late. There are other things that Michael will go over with you too. Don’t look so worried. It will be fine. Just don’t be late again.”

  “I won’t. Thanks for the tip,” Apple said gratefully.

  She followed Morgan, who was practically running down the stairs. Apple ran after her.

  “This is where you’ll be working. Emme is already here. Get in quick, grab a seat. It doesn’t look like Michael has shown up yet, so you’re lucky. Have fun! Got to get back to my desk. God forbid I miss a phone call,” Morgan said, waving goodbye after pointing Apple to a door.

  Apple peaked into the room, which was smaller than her walk-in closet at home. She couldn’t believe that this was where she was expected to work. It was so not like Fancy Nancy’s office, with its floor-to-ceiling windows, comfy couches, and treadmill. This looked like someone’s storage space or garage.

  She couldn’t believe that she would have to work so close to Emme, literally. If Apple exhaled, Emme would inhale her breath.

  Emme didn’t look up when Apple took a seat behind one of two desks facing each other. She looked very busy typing away on a computer.

  “Hey,” Apple said. She was not going to let this Grumpy Emme ruin her first day. Apple had to make it work with Emme. This would be her first challenge at Angst.

  “Hey,” Emme said. At least she responded. Maybe next time she’ll even look up at me, thought Apple.

  “So,” Apple started, “do you have any idea what we’re supposed to be doing?” />
  “I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough,” Emme answered, clicking away.

  “What are you doing?” Apple asked, trying to sound polite. She was genuinely curious. Why did Emme seem so busy when they hadn’t been told what to do yet?

  “I’m just learning all about the staff here,” she answered. “I’m rereading their bios. I almost have them memorized.”

  “Oh, that’s a good idea,” Apple said, thinking, Why didn’t I think of that?

  “You haven’t done that?” Emme asked, as if Apple should be punished for her stupidity.

  “Um, no,” Apple said, feeling like an idiot.

  “Of course you haven’t,” Emme said. Her tone said Apple had disappointed her but that was to be expected.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Apple asked.

  Apple wasn’t used to confrontation. In fact, she hated confrontation, but there was just something about this Emme that got under her skin. Emme made her feel defensive.

  “I know who you are,” Emme said unkindly. “I know that you’re the daughter of Dr. Bee Bee Berg, the host of the Queen of Whatever show. I know that’s how you got the job here. It’s okay. I know that’s how the world works and I’d better get used to it. I am used to it. You have the famous last name, so everything is easy for you. I’m okay with nepotism. That’s how the world works. Right?”

  “Um, I wouldn’t say that exactly,” Apple said. “In fact, I’ve never used my mother to get anything before in my life. Nancy called me to work here. I didn’t ask my mother to get me a job here or anything.”

  “Well, they want you to be the advice columnist because your mother is already a famous advice personality. They want you on television because your mother is on television. It’s good publicity for Angst,” Emme said dismissively.