Apple's Angst Read online

  When they pulled up to the school, Apple’s aunt looked out the window. Suddenly, she crouched low in her seat so she was hidden behind the steering wheel. She looked scared.

  “God, you must get out of this car fast. Like right now! I can’t have Jim seeing me like this!” her aunt announced breathlessly and frantically. “He’s right over there! I’m sure I can see him walking into the school!”

  Apple looked at her aunt like she had gone crazy.

  “Are you crazy? He’s eventually going to see you in those oh-so-sexy bunny pajamas. You are getting married. For better or worse, isn’t that what they say? And didn’t you spend the night together last night?”

  “Oh, no, he most certainly is NOT going to see me like this! These pajamas are going to be burned before our wedding. And, no, he didn’t stay over! Now that we’re getting married, I refuse to sleep with him again until the actual day. I let him walk me to the door and then I locked him out! I want to at least feel like a virgin when I get married.”

  Apple shot her aunt a “You’ve got to be kidding me!” look. “Who are you? You’re crazy!” Apple said, laughing at her aunt, who was obviously having one of her “Girl Crazy Moments.”

  “Oh, go to school and learn something. And good luck today at Angst. You need me to pick you up?” her aunt said, looking around like someone who was worried she would be caught shoplifting.

  “No, Lyon is,” Apple responded.

  “Good, good. That’s Jim for sure,” Crazy Aunt Hazel said, whipping on a pair of sunglasses she had grabbed from the glove compartment. “Go! GO! Get out of here! I mean it. Now!”

  “Okay! I’m going. Sheesh. You’re already a bridezilla and you just got engaged yesterday! You’re already a nutcase. Please promise you’re not going to get any crazier than you already are.” Apple opened the door.

  “Get out!” her aunt hissed.

  “I’m out!” said Apple, slamming the door. Please don’t ever let me turn into my aunt, she thought.

  Apple walked through Cactus High, heading toward the Spiral Staircase, where her friends hung out before school, after school, and during breaks. The Spiral Staircase was located in the middle of the school. Students had to walk past it to get to any of the classrooms, the hallways, or the cafeteria.

  She hadn’t noticed that Zen had caught up to her and was walking beside her until he said, “Hey.”

  “Oh, hey, Zen. How are you?” Apple asked. She was uncomfortable being alone with him. There were so many reasons why. Not only had she tried to sabotage his relationship with Happy, but she also had admitted her feelings for him, which were unrequited. Apple admitted her ego was still bruised, but mostly she was embarrassed. Plus Apple didn’t want Happy to even wonder if she was still into Zen. She worried that if Happy saw them walking together, alone, it might upset her or make her think Apple still had feelings for him. Or what if someone else at school saw them together and passed it on to Happy, making this innocent walk seem like something more? The last thing Apple wanted to do was make Happy mad at her or not have trust in her.

  And then, of course, there was Lyon, who would not like seeing her walking with Zen at all or hearing rumors about them.

  “You look like you’ve been crying,” Zen said. “Is everything okay?”

  “Oh, God, yes,” said Apple, amazed that her eyes were still red from her brief tear-up in the car. “My aunt just asked me to be her maid of honor and … oh, I don’t know. It brought out the sensitivity gene in me.”

  “That’s nice,” Zen said. “Are you going to have to wear one of those horribly puffy dresses?”

  “Knowing my aunt, definitely,” laughed Apple.

  Apple looked at the floor. She still had a hard time looking Zen in the eye. She had never had an easy time looking him straight in the eye, especially during the days of her Super-Sized Zen Crush. But she was positive she no longer liked him in that way—and she had Lyon. So why could she still not look at Zen without blushing or having her heart go pitter-patter? Though Lyon was just as handsome as Zen, in a different way, he never made it hard for Apple to breathe. The world didn’t seem to stop when she was with Lyon as it had when she had been in love with Zen. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? On the one hand, she was at ease with Lyon, more so than she had ever been with Zen. On the other hand, he didn’t take her breath away, and she kind of liked that swooning feeling.

  “I’m heading to the Spiral Staircase,” Apple said. “Are you coming?”

  “No, I think I’m going to head straight to my locker. I think it’s about time I cleaned the thing out. It’s starting to smell,” Zen said, scrunching up his nose.

  “Nice!” responded Apple, shaking her head. “Okay, see you later, then.”

  “Apple?” Zen said.

  “Yeah?”

  “You look really good today. I like the boots. They’re cool. And are you wearing makeup? It looks good!”

  Zen’s compliments made Apple blush, and she bit her lip. She had, in fact, put a bit of makeup on before leaving the house.

  “Thanks, Zen. I have to look good since I’m starting work today. I figure the least I can do is try to look like I fit in there. See you later.”

  Apple practically skipped to the Spiral Staircase, where Lyon and Brooklyn were sitting. Happy wasn’t there, which was odd. Usually Happy was the first one to arrive.

  “Well, someone looks like she’s in a good mood,” Lyon said, getting up to give Apple a hug. Apple kissed him on the mouth.

  “I guess I am. It’s a big day. I’m starting at Angst today. I have to be on my ‘A’ game,” Apple joked. “As my mother says, ‘If you smile on the outside, you’ll smile on the inside.’”

  “Well, you’ll definitely be the prettiest one there,” Lyon said. “Are you wearing makeup? You look sexy!”

  For some reason, the compliment from Lyon didn’t hit Apple as hard as the one from Zen.

  “Yes, I’m wearing makeup. I’m not sure about being the prettiest girl there. You should see the women who work at Angst. It’s like their DNA was all mixed together in a bowl to make only the most perfect blue or green eyes, the thickest hair, and the fittest bodies. I swear, these women are so good-looking and so put together, it’s like they’re aliens.”

  “You’re just as good-looking,” Brooklyn said. “And you’ll be the most interesting person there, no matter how you look.”

  “Thanks, Brooklyn. Hey, where’s Happy?” Apple asked, moving aside Brooklyn’s yoga mat so she could sit down.

  Brooklyn looked down and started fidgeting with her hair, a surefire sign she didn’t want, or didn’t know how, to answer the question. Brooklyn always fidgeted with her long blond hair when teachers asked her questions, or when her overbearing mother demanded to know where she had been.

  “What is it? Is she okay?” Apple asked, worried.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “She’s okay,” Brooklyn answered slowly. “I think. Well, I think there’s just a bit of trouble in paradise right now, if you know what I mean.”

  “Are she and Zen fighting?” Apple asked curiously.

  “A little. I’m sure it’s nothing serious,” Brooklyn said, eyeing Lyon as if she didn’t want to say too much in front of him. “You should talk to her.”

  “I wonder why she didn’t tell me,” Apple said, more to herself than to Lyon or Brooklyn. “Okay, don’t answer that. I just thought that we were good now. I want Happy to be able to tell me if she’s having problems. Even if they are about Zen.”

  Apple could feel Lyon’s stare on her. But it wasn’t her fault that her best friend was fighting with the guy Apple used to like. Apple had known both Zen and Happy for years, since long before she even met Lyon. He had to understand that they all had history, even if that history wasn’t all good.

  “Well, she might just feel uncomfortable talking about Zen to you. Especially since you have such a nice boyfriend,” Brooklyn said, looking adoringly up at Lyon and then shooting Hopper, w
ho was playing a video game on his phone, an evil look. Not that Hopper noticed.

  Apple suddenly felt guilty. Brooklyn was right. Lyon was a great boyfriend. Even though they had been together for only a short time, he bought her flowers, always called when he said he would, offered to drive and pick her up all the time, and complimented her endlessly.

  According to her mother, this was what every woman hoped for in a relationship. It’s what, her mother said, everyone woman deserved.

  The bell rang, signaling that the first class was to start in five minutes.

  “All right, guys. I’ve got Philosophy on the third floor,” said Lyon, jumping down three stairs. “I’ll see you at lunch, Apple?”

  “Absolutely!” Apple said, giving him a peck on the cheek before he took off.

  “You know, Apple. You’re lucky that Lyon is a year older. That way you don’t have to see him all day long. He’s not in any of your classes. Poor Happy. I mean, she’s fighting with Zen and she has to see him in most of her classes,” said Brooklyn as they walked to math class together.

  “Oh my God. I can’t believe we have Mr. Kelly right now. How the hell am I going to face him, knowing that he’s marrying Crazy Aunt Hazel?” Apple demanded, stopping in her tracks.

  “Not only that,” added Brooklyn, “but you’re going to be related to him!”

  “Not exactly. He’s just marrying into my family. If only I hadn’t shown up to that Valentine’s Day dance, then Hazel never would have met him,” Apple moaned as they started to walk again.

  “That’s called fate. I think that’s great. If you hadn’t decided to go, then Aunt Hazel wouldn’t be crazy in love and getting married. Fate works in the most mysterious ways. And also, you never would have met Lyon, remember? That was fate too! The job at Angst? All fate,” Brooklyn continued.

  Apple wished she could be as positive as Brooklyn. She wished she believed in fate. Today, Brooklyn was wearing a shirt that read, “Nothing is worth more than this day.” Brooklyn had a collection of T-shirts with pithy, uplifting sayings. Apple looked forward to reading them each day and often found herself repeating the phrases in her head throughout the day, trying to believe them.

  When they walked into class, Apple sat down in the seat next to Happy. She was relieved to notice that Jim—rather, Mr. Kelly—looked away as soon as she entered. He must be just as uncomfortable. Just last night, he was getting a striptease at her house. He should be uncomfortable, thought Apple uncharitably. Though she had to admit, it wasn’t Mr. Kelly’s fault she hated math so much.

  “Happy,” Apple whispered, “you okay?”

  “Not really,” Happy responded. “I had a bad night. I’m fighting with Zen.”

  Apple took a second to consider how to respond appropriately.

  “Do you want to talk about it? I mean, not now. Later? We can meet for lunch outside and get a private area,” Apple whispered back.

  “That would be great. Let’s meet by the big tree on the south side of the building at 11:45, okay?” Happy responded in a hushed voice.

  “Okay, girls, no more talking. Let’s open your textbooks to page 145 and start doing the exercises,” Mr. Kelly started.

  Obviously, they were not going to get any special treatment just because Mr. Kelly was going to be part of the Berg family.

  “I just can’t get out of my mind your aunt giving him a striptease,” Happy whispered to Apple under her breath as they opened their books.

  “Tell me about it,” whispered Apple. “I don’t think I’m ever going to get that image out of my head. EVER!”

  “That was one of the funniest things your aunt has ever done! And she’s done a lot of crazy things!” Happy whispered, trying not to laugh.

  It was good to see Happy smile. When Happy smiled, the world smiled. When Happy was down, it was like a dark, stormy cloud covering the whole universe. And it was just so unusual for Happy to be down … about anything. What did Happy ever have to be down about? To the outside world, her life was pretty perfect.

  “Apple,” Happy whispered as Mr. Kelly turned to the blackboard. “You look great today. I couldn’t have picked out a better outfit for your first day. I wish I were you.”

  Luckily, Apple couldn’t respond. Mr. Kelly had started in on his lecture. Apple didn’t know how to respond to Happy’s comment. Everyone, after all, at Cactus High had always wanted to be Happy. Gorgeous, straight-A Happy, who always got what she wanted. Everyone just assumed Happy would one day be the star she was meant to be. It was her destiny. Or as Brooklyn would say, it was her “fate.”

  At lunch, Apple raced out of her geography class and went to the planned meeting area at the back of the school grounds to find Happy. Happy was already there, delicately holding chopsticks, eating her sushi. She looked like she was deep in thought, and this made her look even more beautiful. A slight wind in the air was blowing her long, black-as-night hair, and whenever she was sad, her eyes seemed even greener.

  After checking for ants, Apple plopped down beside her.

  “Did anyone see you come out here?” Happy asked.

  “I don’t think so. Why?” Apple wondered.

  “Are you sure Zen didn’t see you?” she pressed.

  “No, didn’t see him at all,” Apple answered.

  Happy threw her plastic container of sushi into a bag.

  “I can’t even eat this. My stomach is in knots,” she said.

  “What’s going on, Happy?” Apple said. “I’m kind of concerned.”

  Happy didn’t answer immediately. She just stared down at the grass.

  “Listen,” Apple said, “I know you’re probably not totally comfortable opening up to me about your relationship with Zen after everything that happened. But you are my best friend and I’m always going to support you. You can trust me.”

  “I know, Apple. It’s just that I feel stupid about it all. I feel stupid about what I’ve been thinking about how I want to tell you what I’m going to tell you. I don’t want you to be angry.”

  Apple was shocked. What could Happy have to tell her that she would worry might make Apple mad?

  “What do you mean? I’m the one who tried to ruin your relationship, remember?” said Apple, pulling some grass out of the ground.

  “That’s history. I mean it, Apple. I totally forgive you. I feel stupid because I made such a big deal about Zen being the one for me, and then I got so mad at you for trying to ruin our relationship and now it’s only been a few weeks and …”

  “And?” Apple asked, eyeing her best friend.

  “God, I’m too embarrassed to say it,” she said, covering her face with her arms.

  “Just say it. I went on national television and told millions of people what a bitch I was. My math teacher is about to be my uncle! And, need I remind you, he was at my house last night getting a striptease! Talk about embarrassing. My aunt drove me to school today in her pajamas! And you know you can always tell me anything and I’m not going to judge you,” Apple said, placing her hand on Happy’s leg. For a moment, she felt motherly.

  “Yeah, but something good came out of that something bad. You got an internship at Angst! And Lyon!” exclaimed Happy.

  “Okay, true. But I’ll always be known as the girl who tried to ruin her best friend’s relationship,” moaned Apple.

  “Like I said, I have forgotten about it,” Happy said. “I just … it’s just, when I think about Zen …” Happy started, then stopped.

  “What? What about him? Spill it already,” Apple pressed.

  “I think I might have put the carriage before the horse,” Happy said finally.

  “What does that mean?” Apple asked, genuinely confused.

  “Isn’t that the right saying?” Happy asked, cocking her head to one side, looking perplexed.

  “I have no idea. What are you trying to say? Stop talking in Dr. Bee Bee Berg clichés!”

  “Okay. I just don’t think I like him in that way anymore,” Happy spit out.

&n
bsp; Apple’s eyes widened with disbelief. She had had no idea this was coming. She could barely form a sentence. But Happy was biting her lip, waiting for her to say something.

  “Are you serious? I thought you two were joined at the hip. I thought you guys loved each other. You’ve even, you know …” Apple managed to stutter.

  She thought Zen and Happy would be together for … well, at least a year. She had had no idea that Happy could have such a change of heart, even though Happy did change her mind often, especially about boys. Apple thought Zen had changed all of that.

  “I know, I know,” Happy said, burying her head in her hands. “It’s just that … I don’t know. I find myself running when I see him and hoping he won’t call me, and when he does it’s like he never has anything important to say and it’s just become awkward between us.”

  “But I know he likes you. You know he likes you,” Apple said, pulling pieces of grass out of the ground viciously. “Everything seemed fine with you guys just last night!”

  “Well, it wasn’t. We’ve not been getting along for a while now. We’re okay if other people are around. But when we’re alone? Not so much. Can I tell you something awful if you promise not to judge me?”

  “Of course!” said Apple.

  “Oh, God, Apple. I’m just not into him anymore,” admitted Happy.

  Apple tried her hardest not to continue to look as shocked as she felt, which was as shocked as if they had just been through an earthquake.

  “Are you sure? I mean, maybe it’s just a phase. There’s always a honeymoon phase and then the reality of the relationship sets in and it’s just not as exciting. You could work on it!” Apple said. She knew she was sounding a little too much like her mother, but she was speaking the truth, or at least that’s what her mother always said about relationships.

  “I know myself. And you know me better than anyone. And you know how bored I get. And now I feel kind of stuck in this relationship because I made such a big deal about it. Looking back, I should have never gotten so angry with you. I should have never gone on your mother’s show! I mean, look at me now! I don’t even think I like him. And the very thought of kissing him? So not interested anymore. Maybe it is true that because I realized you liked him, that made me like him more than I really did. I’m an awful friend too,” Happy said, tears welling up.