Apple's Angst Read online

  “You’re forgetting one thing,” Apple said.

  “And what’s that?” Lyon asked shortly.

  “I’m interested in you,” Apple said as Lyon handed over his credit card to the waitress.

  “Sometimes, Apple, I’m not so sure,” he said, much to Apple’s shock. She had been trying to make up with him.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” demanded Apple. She was trying to play nice, but Lyon wasn’t playing nice back. She was losing her patience.

  “You heard me,” he said, slipping Apple’s coat over her arms as she stood up. Even when Lyon wasn’t in a good mood, he was always the gentleman.

  Apple had a response, but not one she would voice aloud to Lyon in a public restaurant.

  “Listen, I’ve just been overwhelmed with the stress of this new job and school. It has nothing to do with you,” Apple said.

  “Exactly,” said Lyon. “I feel like nothing in your life has to do with me anymore.”

  She really didn’t want to fight with Lyon. She had no idea what was happening to them. Even when she tried to be nice, they still kept on fighting. Lyon, she thought, was maybe waiting for some sort of deeper apology. What Apple wanted to say was that he was lucky she had even come out with him tonight. She had to be at Angst all the next day, and her aunt wanted to meet her after to go scout out some wedding dresses. Apple needed a good night’s sleep.

  They drove home in silence, until the silence became deafening. Apple turned on the radio. Lyon dropped her off and didn’t even attempt to invite himself in. He didn’t lean over to give her a goodnight kiss either—which was fine with Apple. She was in no mood to kiss him. She simply said, “Thanks for dinner,” and got out of the car.

  Lyon had put Apple in what her aunt called her “Bad Apple” mood. Apple didn’t want to talk to anyone. She didn’t even have it in her to call Happy and tell her that Zen had stopped by, or to return Brooklyn’s call, or to tell anyone that she was in the middle of her first fight ever with Lyon. She knew her aunt would be pissed off that she didn’t return any of her twenty-two messages. Although no one was around, Apple couldn’t help but slam her bedroom door.

  It had been a strange day. Apple had arrived at Angst on Monday at 4:22 p.m. She had spent the entire weekend at Angst as well, holed up in the dungeon sorting mail, and was starting to feel more at home. She no longer felt nervous as she walked in. She had even brought her favorite water bottle, which she kept at her desk. People around the office now nodded a quick hello when Apple walked by.

  “Good girl,” Morgan said, winking, tapping her fashionable pink watch. It had become somewhat of a joke between them: whenever Apple arrived now, Morgan pointed out the time.

  “I know. I’m a fast learner. Is Emme here yet?” Apple asked.

  “Of course! She arrived about an hour ago,” Morgan said. “We’ve never had an intern this ambitious before. Ever.”

  “An hour ago?” Apple winced.

  “She’s eager,” Morgan said. “I mean, I guess that’s a good thing.”

  Apple was tired. She had stayed up until four in the morning reworking her advice column, which was due today.

  Apple was still distraught over her Friday-night dinner with Lyon but had managed to put it in the back of her mind while concentrating on her advice column. They hadn’t spoken for more than three minutes the rest of the weekend, which was fine by Apple. She didn’t want to have to explain one more time that Zen wasn’t into her. She didn’t want to have to explain just how stressed she was feeling with this new job, falling behind on her schoolwork, and not being the perfect bridesmaid for her aunt.

  Apple had woken up at 5 a.m. so her mother could read her answers for Angst. It wasn’t cheating, Apple thought, when she first wondered if she should show her mother what she had worked on. It was simply getting help. After all, she didn’t want to screw up on her first assignment. Plus, Apple knew it would make her mother feel needed. Besides, this was a perk of living in the same house with someone who had doled out relationship advice for almost two decades.

  “Apple, this is good,” her mother had said, reading the page she had printed out. “Really good. You must have worked on this very hard. It’s well written, well thought out, and very helpful.”

  “Okay, but you must have some advice to give me. Something could be improved!” Apple demanded. “Give me something. You must have some criticisms. I won’t be offended. Tell me the truth.”

  “Honey, you have to be confident. And plus, this isn’t exactly my demographic. These are your peers. Would the answers you wrote be answers you’d give to your friends?” her mother asked.

  “I guess so. I didn’t get to pick these questions, though. Michael gave them to me. I think they’re made up,” Apple explained.

  “Well, that’s sometimes how it works. You know that Guy answers all my viewers’ e-mails. Viewers think they’re getting a response from me, but in reality they’re not. It doesn’t matter, though. Guy knows me better even than your father,” Dr. Berg said.

  “Um, can we get back to me, please?” Apple asked.

  “Honey, they’re great. Really. They are. You do have a gift. I’m going to try not to take any kudos for that, but I think you may have inherited some of my talent!”

  “Okay, Mom. You can go now,” Apple said. “I have to find something in my closet that’s Angst-worthy to wear to the office. Last time, my sleeves were too long or something, and then my pants weren’t the right length.”

  Her mother had left for work and Apple had headed back to her room. The pull of her bed was too strong for her to resist.

  I’ll just lay here for a few minutes, she had thought to herself. After all, it was still only 6:45.

  “What are you doing?” she had heard Hazel scream suddenly, right in her face. “I’ve been honking outside for five minutes. Why are you still in bed?”

  “Oh, my God. What time is it? I just meant to go back to bed for a few minutes,” Apple moaned.

  “Well, you are going to be late, sweetie. Here, throw on these,” her aunt said, tossing her a pair of jeans that had been lying over a chair.

  “I can’t wear those! Are you crazy? I’ll be laughed right out of Angst if I wear those,” Apple responded huffily. Didn’t her aunt know anything?

  “Since when did you become a fashion queen? Go take a shower and I’ll get an outfit together for you,” her aunt said. “Unlike some people who haven’t yet found the time to help me pick out an outfit for the MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF MY LIFE.”

  Apple knew that the best way of dealing with her aunt when she was in a rant was simply to ignore her comments.

  “Fine. But nothing slutty. They don’t like slutty. They like chic and sophisticated,” Apple said.

  “Slutty? Me?” Crazy Aunt Hazel asked mockingly. “Make this the quickest shower you’ve ever had.”

  Apple raced into the shower and shampooed and conditioned her hair in less than five minutes. Just as she was getting out of the shower, she heard her phone ringing.

  “Can you get that, Hazel?” Apple called out, trying to brush her hair. She should have done it in the shower. It was always easier that way.

  Apple walked out in a towel and listened to her aunt talk animatedly on the phone. Apple mouthed the words “Who is it?”

  “Here she is,” Hazel said, handing the phone over. “It’s Happy.”

  “Happy! What are you doing?” she asked. “I’m totally running behind. Crazy Aunt Hazel is about to blow up.”

  “I’m at home. I need an ‘emotional day’ off. Interested in joining me?” Happy asked.

  “Yes! Oh, my God! Can we please go shopping? I have no Angst-worthy clothes,” Apple responded, delighted.

  Hazel looked at her. She shot her aunt a dirty look. Since when had her aunt become so responsible? Just months ago, her aunt was taking “emotional days” off from her job the minute a guy dumped her, which seemed to be almost every other day.

  “Let’s meet at Mil
k and Sugar and then we’ll do some retail therapy,” Happy suggested. “I need some retail therapy. Don’t forget your credit card.”

  “Perfect! See you soon!” Apple said excitedly, hanging up.

  Aunt Hazel looked at her disapprovingly. “So you’re skipping school today?”

  “I need an emotional day,” Apple said. “Don’t look at me like that! Just because you’re getting married doesn’t make you suddenly the most responsible person in the world. It’s just one day! And Happy needs me.”

  “Fine, whatever. But I’m not going to lie to Jim about you missing math because you want to hang out with friends and go shopping,” Aunt Hazel responded sternly.

  “Dear God,” moaned Apple. “Who are you? I want my crazy aunt back. Just don’t tell Mom, okay?”

  “If you don’t tell her I’m borrowing her new shawl, you have a deal,” her aunt said slyly. “Oh, and if you don’t mind, I’ll look through that pile of your clothes on the floor over there. You might be younger than me, but I know I still have the body of a teenager.”

  Her aunt had done a little jig in front of Apple’s full-length mirror, as if to prove how youthful she was.

  “Fine. Take what you want. But you can’t say a word to either Mr. Kelly or my mother, okay? That’s the deal,” Apple warned.

  “Deal. But I don’t think Jim is going to be impressed with you skipping the pop quiz today,” her aunt told her.

  “What? First of all, I told you, do not call him Jim. And, second, how do you know there’s going to be a pop quiz today?” Apple asked.

  “Uh, hello? I’m sleeping with him. I know all,” Aunt Hazel responded, giving her an evil grin.

  “I thought you weren’t sleeping with him until the wedding,” Apple answered—not that she really wanted to know the intimate details of her aunt and her math teacher’s sex life.

  “We don’t actually … well, you know. I’m still holding out. Aren’t you impressed? But we cuddle and have sweet talk,” her aunt said.

  “Yeah, talking about a pop quiz sounds so romantic,” Apple laughed.

  “Whatever,” her aunt had said, Apple’s clothes falling out of her arms. “Where would you like me to drop you off?”

  Happy was already at Milk and Sugar, the coffee shop next to a strip of boutiques at the outdoor mall near their homes, when Apple’s aunt dropped her off. She had been flipping through an obviously outdated issue of Angst. The pages looked like they were going to fall apart.

  “Hey, babe,” Apple said, leaning over and giving Happy a peck on the cheek.

  “Hey. Thanks for meeting. I’ve texted Brooklyn to join us. She’s trying to get out of class right now. Did you know that Mr. Kelly surprised the class with a pop quiz? It was already on Brooklyn’s desk. But I’m not worried. Brooklyn will come up with something good to get out. You look tired,” Happy said.

  “I was up until 4 a.m. working on my first, and maybe last, advice column.”

  “Oooooh! Let me see! Let me see!” Happy demanded, grabbing Apple’s bag.

  “No!” Apple said, grabbing back her purse. “It’s not good. It’s so bad. I’m so going to be fired. They’re going to realize they made a huge mistake, and my career at Angst magazine will be over before it really even began.”

  “Get over it, Apple! You’re always so hard on yourself. Just hand it over,” Happy demanded.

  “Fine,” Apple said as she handed over the sheet of paper she had worked so hard on. She cradled her face in her arms as Happy read the questions and Apple’s advice aloud.

  Dear Apple,

  I’m in the tenth grade and have been a fan of Angst magazine forever. I can’t believe that the daughter of the Queen of Hearts is now the advice columnist at Angst. I’m so happy!

  Happy paused after reading that paragraph and put her finger in her mouth as if she was going to make herself gag.

  “I know, right?” Apple said. “It’s just the magazine trying to make them look better. They made that up. Whatever.” She put her head back into her arms. Her hair, which was still wet from her hurried shower, felt cool on her flushed-with-embarrassment cheeks.

  Happy continued to read.

  Anyway, I really hope you can help me. I have been dating this guy for a few months. He’s great. He’s really sweet and gets along with my friends and family. He wants to spend all his spare time with me. My girlfriends are so jealous. They think we’re perfect together. I don’t want to break his heart, but I’m just not into him anymore. I’m not sure why. I would love to be, because I don’t want to break his heart (let alone my friends’ and family’s). Should I hang in there? Or try talking to him about it? Is there any way I can get back that feeling I had for him at the very beginning? Please help. I’m in angst! (Pun intended!) XOXO Stuck.

  “Oh, my God. You didn’t write this for me, did you Apple?” Happy asked, squinting at Apple.

  “First of all, I don’t pick the questions. Michael, my boss, who is awesome, gave me five and told me to answer three of them. And who even knows what he’ll do with my answers. He’ll probably answer them himself if he doesn’t like mine.”

  “It’s so weird that it’s exactly what I’m going through with Zen. It’s not that I even really needed an ‘emotional day’ off. I just can’t bear to see Zen,” Happy said.

  “What are you going to do?” Apple wondered.

  “Let me read your answer,” Happy said.

  Dear Stuck,

  No one knows what goes on in a relationship but the two people in it. Don’t worry about what your friends will think, or your family. It’s your life and your decision to make. Can you pinpoint exactly what about him is bothering you? If so, maybe you can discuss it with him. Maybe you just need to spice up your relationship. After a few months, like cheese, a relationship can go bad if you don’t work on it. And relationships are about work. Try discussing it with him. And if you still feel in your heart that he’s not the one, tell him sooner rather than later. You don’t want to be the girl who leads a guy on if you’re not feeling the love. You’re young. You’ll have many more loves. Good luck to you.

  Happy placed the piece of paper on the table and didn’t say anything at first.

  “What? Do you not agree? What’s wrong with it?” Apple asked desperately.

  “Nothing,” Happy said. “What you wrote is exactly true. I’m not sure I can pinpoint what suddenly bugs me about Zen. He’s still the same Zen I fell in love with. I still love him. I’m just not …”

  “In love with him,” Apple finished for her.

  “Exactly. But there’s no way I can discuss it with him,” Happy said.

  “Why not?” Apple asked.

  “I just can’t! Look at me! I’m skipping school just to avoid running into him. I’m turning off my cell phone at night just in case he calls. I’m not good at dealing with these things!” Happy said.

  “Happy, you’re the bravest person I know!” Apple protested.

  “Not when it comes to relationships. I’d rather he dump me than me have to dump him. I usually leave guys, but Zen is too, well, he’s just too sweet,” Happy moaned.

  “Well, if you keep ignoring him, I have a feeling you’re going to push him away,” Apple said. She hadn’t told Happy that Zen had stopped by, most likely to talk about the way Happy was acting.

  “Good!” Happy said, smiling brightly for the first time since Apple had arrived.

  “Really? Can you imagine life without Zen? Take a second and imagine what your life would be without him calling or taking you out. Does that thought make you feel better?” Apple pressed.

  “Actually, Apple, it gives me a great sense of relief,” Happy answered. “Then I can really be out with Therapy Guy.”

  “Poor Zen,” Apple sighed.

  “Poor Zen? Poor me! You’re supposed to be on my side.”

  “I am on your side. It’s just that, you know, it’s Zen. He’s so nice and sweet, like you said.”

  “And that’s why this is so hard.
He’s too nice and sweet for me. I need a little drama. Zen is much more suited for you,” Happy said. “He always was. Even now, he’s always saying how in awe he is of your sensible nature.”

  “You are such a typical woman,” Apple laughed. “At least that’s what my mother would tell you. You need a bad boy. And sensible? God, that’s not a compliment at all! You’re making me sound like an old lady!”

  “Sorry. But speaking of old, I’m not! I’m young! I should be having fun. Zen was fun. But now he’s not fun. At least not for me. Like I said, you two are so much better suited for each other,” Happy said, smiling slyly at Apple.

  “Happy, you are not trying to fix me up with your boyfriend, are you?”

  Happy lifted her eyebrows, smiling.

  “You mean, my soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend? Well, you liked him. You loved him! Don’t you have any feelings left for him?” Happy asked.

  Apple was starting to feel very uncomfortable.

  “I don’t think that’s how it works. You can’t force people to be together. And, hello? There’s Lyon, in case you forgot,” Apple answered.

  “Right. Lyon,” Happy said, sipping her ice tea.

  Just then, Happy’s iPhone started to vibrate on the table. She looked at the text message and showed it to Apple. It was Zen, asking where Happy was. Happy placed the phone back on the table.

  “You’re not going to respond?” Apple asked.

  “Nah. Don’t feel like it,” Happy said casually.

  “You’re so bad, Happy,” Apple said, but she couldn’t help but smile. She wished she could be as brave as Happy and just not do things she didn’t feel like doing.

  As if on cue, Apple’s BlackBerry, also on the table, started to vibrate. She looked at it and read the text.

  “Who is it?” Happy asked.

  “You’re not going to believe this,” Apple told her. “It’s Lyon. He just asked where I am and if I’m okay.”